Effluvia From the Chaotic Mind of Sagaverus

Fear of Death

During my lifetime I have killed several snakes.

The first was a dangerous one ... a cottonmouth moccasin which had ensconced itself in a garage laundry tub beneath a pile of old newspapers which should not have been there in the first place.

My stepsister-in-law who lived across the street came to me in a panic and asked for help. My heart racing, I used a garden shovel to lift out the newspapers a few at a time until only the serpent could be seen in the tub. It was frantically trying to slither out. After several attempts I was able to cut it's head off with the shovel.

Many years later, in my large backyard in Florida, I encountered a large, six feet in length or more, snake in a pile of garden timbers I was moving. With fear and trepidation I hacked at it with a machete until it was in parts. The parts disappeared over the next two days; hauled off for a meal by some denizens of our wooded area. I later identified it as a harmless, even beneficial, corn snake.

There have been a few others besides those above.
In every instance I was driven by irrational fear.

I have observed that much of human behavior, if not driven by avarice, lust, some mania or other, is the product of fear.

We fear real or imagined injury, illness, threats, loss, confinement, spiders, sharks, tigers, the future, and in my case based on experience .. bites from vicious dogs. The list may well be endless. We act and react according to our fears. Then, of course, we fear the big "D" ... death.

A sense of wariness regarding actual dangers is healthy. Informed fear is implanted in us for survival. A toddler might walk off the edge of a cliff; an informed, sane adult would not. Morbid and irrational fear is not. A life based on fear and avoidance is self limiting. I won't swim in the Gulf of Mexico or Atlantic Ocean because every season visitors die doing it. I won't camp out in the wilderness because every so often someone is killed by a grizzly bear or other animal. I won't try skydiving because every so often someone's chute doesn't open. These fears circumscribe the realm of my activities.

I wonder if cliff divers and airplane test pilots pursue their professions in a state of fear which they simply override with raw courage? Certainly, they posess knowledge particular to their activities. So did the Challenger astronauts.

Mine is not a fear of death or dying because I know I am actually a spiritual being encased in a mortal shell which will be cast off when I begin my next life, but rather a fear of death as a process from an avoidable encounter with a shark, alligator, tidal run out, grizzly, or the earth rushing up toward me as I free fall to my death.

Being afraid produces other reactions in my psyche. They are white hot anger and fierce hatred! I hate being afraid. Consequently I transfer that hate to whatever engenders fear in me. I must avoid the causative agent if possible. If unavoidable, say a mugger or burglar, I must try to kill it if I can or try to escape it if I can't ... or vice versa.

I believe that more people fear the future than any other possible threat. It is inherently unknowable. What might happen to: me, my loved ones, my property, my health, my money, my this or my that ? Will I suffer a loss in some area ? This sort of apprehension can cripple a person mentally and emotionally to such an extent their life is totally unfulfilling.

I have confronted this problem head on and come to my own solution. In essence, it is que sera sera. If my life, relationships, and possessions are truly surrendered to the Lord, He is free to dispose of them as He sees fit. I do not absolve myself of responsibility for stewardship but I do not worry about what will become of these things.

I can share a practical application of this approach. I own a small retail business which is for sale and has been for two years now, with no takers yet. I am past seventy years old and very tired of working. The lease on my store in a shopping center expires nineteen months from when I am writing this. I have decided to not renew the lease. When the time comes to notify the landlord, if the business has not been sold, I will close it and dispose of the store's contents in any manner I can. If income is generated, great. If not, too bad. It will have been a nine year experience and it will be over and I will move on with my life through whatever doors opens to me. I admit to some anxiety about this eventuality. Nothing would please me more right now than to sell the store and be on my way with a minimum of loss. But, que sera sera.

In the grand scheme of things the outcome is unimportant.

Living a life without fear is important.

Matt 10:28 (RSV) And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's will. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Sagaverus May 2008